I have been looking forward to this blog posts since day 1! Talking about 'the Husband'. My thinking about having a husband and being a wife has been transformed since I started this Marathon. Your reactions on FB and face-to-face are really touching me. I am so in awe with what God is doing, let us persevere ladies,because the best is yet to come.
There are a few topics that I would love to address today:
- Pray for your husband, boyfriend, fiance or future husband
- Being submissive
- Make him your priority
- Your pledge to be the best wife you can be
This is the crewroom provided by the airline I work for
Pray for your husband, boyfriend, fiance or future husband
Whether you are married, single, dating or engaged, you can implement this in your life. The power of a praying woman is gigantic - what do I say - immense! Especially when this prayer is done with a heart full of love. Your heart towards the (future) mister will change drastically, you will find it easier to love him, covering his shortcomings with grace and love. To cut it short - Prayer will change you my precious friend. We don't have the power to change our mister, that is totally up to God, we also shouldn't seek the power to change him. Even when he is wrong, has a temper, doesn't give you the attention you need/deserve, works too much etc. This list is endless of course but we as woman should always focus on the positive! Not that you have to keep your mouth shut if you see that something is going on or if he is talking you down etc.
Make praying for your Mister (even when you are single) a priority. He needs it, you need it! If you find it hard to pray for him or if you don't know what to pray for make a list with different subjects. You pick one or two everyday and if you have enough subjects you can use this list for a very long time! Sit down and write down some subjects, let me give you some inspiration here are 20!
- his wife
- his work
- his friends
- his fatherhood
- his love life
- his manliness
- his insecurities
- his family
- his sex life (what... yes!)
- his ambitions
- his past
- his relationship with God
- his role in the church
- his spiritual growth
- that he will always do good (to you. the kids and others)
- his marriage
- his finances
- his hobby
- his thoughts
- his heart
Oh I could continue this list, asking God to make his heart beat for others, that he is always willing to do things in the house, that he is always willing to help in the church, that he might be generous etc. This list is most definitely longer than the list with your mister's shortcomings. When you feel like your hubby doesn't deserve all the prayers, just think about what Jesus did for you. You didn't deserved that but it changed your life around, didn't it? You might be the prayer warrior in your household, you might be the only one praying in your marriage, you might get nothing in return but it is our duty as a woman/wife to pray non-stop.
My favorite subject - oooh look a airplane - just kidding! The thought of being submissive to someone makes me a bit afraid. This might be the worldly way of thinking, God doesn't want us to be anxious about anything. So let us think about what submissive can look like.
Your husband wants to go to the mall, but you just decided to have a relax moment. What will you do? Let's say you have three options:
A. Ask him to plan that a different time, that you would love to join him but that you just planned a relax moment.
B. You say: 'Yes great idea let's do that' and plan your relax moment for later that day.
C. You tell him to find someone else to go with him.
Solely focusing on being submissive it will be answer B that is 'right' but let us spend a bit more time on all the answers. Answer A is honest and upfront with your hubby, it shows that you can communicate with each other, when you are pregnant or sick etc this would be the 'right' answer.
*side note - there is no particular 'right' answer*
But there is a definite downside to this answer, it shows that you place yourself and your relax time above your husband. When you don't have the possibility to spend a lot of time together this will cause to drive you further apart. It is very important to spend time together, even when it is only going to the mall together.
Answer B shows that you are willing to set your will aside and be submissive to his will. You encourage him to come up with ideas and spending time together because you responded enthusiastically. You show him that you appreciate his ideas!
Answer C you might be very annoyed or even angry because of something that happened earlier. The chance that he will ask you anytime soon to do something with him is very small.
This is just an example but situations like this happen all the time. When you are single (like me) I would recommend to have a think about situations that would ask for submissiveness and ask yourself if you are able and willing or be submissive. When you are married I would like to ask you to pray about this. Are there more areas in your life were you can be more submissive?
Make him your priority
Life can be hectic especially when you both have a job and kids. The kids consume a lot of your energy and at the end of the day you are just exhausted by running after them. Your normal day to day life exist of being their taxi driver, cooking meals and cleaning. Somewhere around 6 PM you hear the front door, a hysterical 6 year old yells "DADDY", you see your husband coming in the kitchen where you almost finished cooking, a screaming toddler hanging on your left leg and with a quick kiss on the cheek you greet your hubby. Even writing this makes me already tired and a bit sad! Your husband has to be really high priority on your list. Like really high! Above the kiddos - because they will leave the house one day.
Try to give this day fully to him, make sure that the kids are ready to welcome daddy into the house, have them clean up their toys, get them excited and try (at least) to have dinner finished before he is in. When your mister is working regular hours that might be doable, otherwise let him call you so you know when to expect him. Greet him with a big hug and kiss, telling him that you are happy to see him, prepare something he likes for dinner, wear something sexy/attractive, tuck the kids in early so you have time to spend together. Change the atmosphere in house by making him a priority!
Your pledge to be the best wife you can be
I daydream a lot about being married and being someones wife, it is always freaking awesome and we are sooo in love. I even love cleaning the house, washing his dirty socks and our love/bedroom life (not even only the bedroom) is totally amazing. Couldn't be any closer to real life, right?! *sarcasm mode off*
I know that married life isn't about being ridiculously happy and being busy in the bedroom all the time. It is coping with each others shortcomings, finding out that you have been very egocentric the last few years as a single woman. That being said, God is in all of it. He is in your shortcomings, He is in your happiness, He knows that you are ready for this journey. So why not make a pledge?
Write down the wife you want to be, make it realistic, you might remember this from day 1 but you are not superwoman! Write down the things you promise God about your marriage. This has nothing to do with hubby (or maybe a little bit) this is about you and God. Build your dreams, hopes and marriage on Him and He will be the stable factor and supplier that you need.
Write down your promises of dressing nicely, praying daily, honoring your husband etc.
I hope that you enjoyed this blog post, I know that all situations are very different, when you are in an abusive marriage I would suggest to seek help (while praying). I do not have the secrets for a happy marriage (as I am not even married!) but I do know that God is able to change everything around.
Once again if you or your kids are in danger if you stay with your husband, please find help! Sometimes praying isn't enough and you need interfering from skilled people.
Miss Daydream aka Mieke